Coach for Results

Trusting in Your Decisions - 3 Tips

2011-11-19T16:51:20Z

The other day, I had a casual conversation with a young man who was torn between two job offers. He couldn’t decide which route was the better choice.

He had recently relocated to a small city because he’d accepted an exciting job offer. He was on the job for only a few days when another offer came in – back in the big city he’d just left. His family was still there and about to move to his new location. The other job would have provided a reasonable increase in his annual salary.

As we talked further, it was clear he was working through the different angles to evaluate this dilemma, and he put great thought into the situation. Should I stay? Should I take the other offer? Or should I call my new, current employer and see if there might be a possibility of an additional boost in salary?

The more we talked, it was heartening to see how he worked through the different scenarios. The lure of money is always strong – especially in a one-income family with a young child. Yet there was a deep wisdom welling up inside him.

Any of the 3 options were viable paths. Without knowing more about the situation . . . if it were you . . . how would you choose?

A few days later, he approached me at a meeting with a big smile. “I’m staying with the new job here,” he said. Clearly, he was very happy with the decision. He and his wife had worked through it together. “She’s a smart person,” he told me, “and I take to heart her view on things.” It was an opportunity to make a fresh start, he told me, and to get away from some old habits that he no longer wanted to be a part of. Plus, the current position was a ground floor opportunity that included potential for moving up.

Wow!

When you are faced with tough choices, or you make a decision and then something else more enticing lands in your lap, how do you react? Do you beat yourself up because you feel you may have made a wrong decision? Or do you congratulate yourself on making a valid decision and trusing your inner gut to lead you the to the right path?

There is value in MAKING a decision versus procrastinating or staying stuck in an old situation that no longer serves you.

Each situation must stand on its own merit – different things are at stake and need to be evaluated. Here are 3 questions to help you work through the process:

1 – What appeals to you with each option? On a sheet of paper, write down all the positive things you can think about regarding each option. Is one list heavier than the other? Then, also write down any not-so-great attractions about each one.

Don’t rush through this process. It’s easy to skip over some “not-so-great” items such as costs to relocate losing deposits on utilities, rental commitments . . . (did you research it or are you giving it a rough guess?) . . . lost wages while relocating . . . stress on family . . . and so forth.

2 – In looking at the list of positive things related to these options, which ONE thing is the most important for you? Which one carries more weight in your decision making? Try to put a value on that. (Value is not always money, but could be a feeling or knowing.)

3 – Ask yourself, “What would I lose if I don’t chose the other option?” If you make Choice A – what do you lose by not choosing B?

Using the young man’s scenario, it might be: If I stay, I get a fresh start for my family. By staying I give up $6000.

Now, here’s the way I phrased the bonus question for him: What is the long-term value you’ll gain by choosing to stay with your new job? You could see the light bulb go on – by choosing a new lifestyle that would set him on a higher, brighter path, he was able to see that it was worth much more than $6000.

The wisdom and thoughtfulness he put into this one decision are tools that will strengthen as he moves ahead in his life. This young man is a shining example of the new generation that is entering the workforce today.

And now my bit of wisdom for YOU: No matter what your decision, there will always be other options coming your way. Know and trust that the decision you make (or made), is the RIGHT choice for this moment in time. It is the CORRECT option. There is a knowing, an internal wisdom in each of us. If we allow it to be heard, it will ALWAYS take us down the right path.

“See” you soon!

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Between Jobs? The Early Days – Create Your Game Board (Part 4 of 4)

2011-01-21T02:31:00Z

Looking for a job is a full-time job. It’s rare that the perfect job would land in your lap without any effort on your part. It’s time to map out your strategy and decide on a winning game plan.

If you haven’t already done so, you know you will soon have to go out and start exploring for a job. Do you know what you want? How badly do you want it? Do you know it takes to get that type of work?

You’ve had some time to adjust to the idea of being unemployed. Hopefully, you’ve read my earlier posts and are now feeling better about the situation.

If you haven’t had a chance to read through them, start with the first in this 4-part series. In the 2nd installment, we talked about having an Attitude of Gratitude.

Did you follow my suggestions from the last post to bring some creativity into your life? Have you identified your core values and beliefs – those internal drivers that will guide you through the tough times, no matter what?

Today, let’s bring some of that new awareness to the forefront and create your game board. I use the metaphor of a game to bring some playfulness to your job-hunting effort. It will demand all of your will, your focus and much of your time.

There are 4 elements to creating your game board.

Rules
Every game has rules. Some rules can be revised by the players if everyone agrees. In life, there will be some rules that are a “must,” and some that you can change out if you don’t like them.

Earlier, you used some of your creative time to become clearer on your values and your beliefs. Which ones will become the foundation for your “rule set” in this new game?

Where is the game taking place? If it’s a board game, you have the boundaries established. If it’s a softball game, which field and city? For your game of job hunting, where will you look?

Do you have some geographic constraints due to family situations? Or are you willing to relocate? If you’re going back to school, does a night shift interest you right now? Do you require days? Or are you flexible with either?

What other “rules” are part of your game?

Strategy
Once you know the object of the game (find the right job), you have to invest some time in laying out your “how” to win the game by following the rules. You may want to have more than one strategy. Conceivably, you could run multiple strategies simultaneously. This your game; how’s it going to play out?

Identify at what point you must step back, revisit and consider a Pan B. Knowing you have alternate choices you can lean upon until the right job comes along will offer peace of mind and reduce your day-to-day stress.

Players
You are the main character in this game. There are others who will be in this game; who are they? Which companies will you target for sending resume’s and making calls?

Identify your supporters that will help keep you in a positive state. Select mentors, people with connections who can introduce you to others. What additional resources will you call upon?

Length of Play
There are two parts to this piece. How long will you play the game each day? And how long will you stay in the game until you go to a Plan B as a temporary option?

This game is not for the weak-hearted! You will need to dedicate a minimum of 4 hours every day in this game if you expect to find the best job. Serious job seekers will invest 6 or more hours every day.

You have many priorities in your life. The time may come when your resources get tighter and you are forced into some hard decisions. Taking care of your values and your family may require a detour now and then from your main path. That’s okay!

It all serves the main purpose of getting you from here to there . . . to the next leg of your journey in this game we call Life.

I wish you well and hope you find ways to bring excitement and creativity to your new endeavors.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Between Jobs? The Early Days – Understanding Your Kairos (Part 3 of 4)

2011-01-15T14:44:00Z

In the introduction of this 4-part series, I outlined the three steps that I encourage my clients to explore during those early days of unemployment, to properly set the stage for your new reality.

A few days ago, we talked about having an Attitude of Gratitude to help set the stage for the great things that are sure to come your way.

How would your perspective change if you could look at this current situation (being unemployed) and find something good in that?

Today, Part 3 explores how this period of “creative waiting” could hold special meaning for you.

Ancient Greeks might have referred to this as a Kairos, defining it as a time in which you are between events, and a time in which something special is about to happen.

We’ll talk about getting the big ”game plan” together (your to-do list) in the next article. Today, I want to focus on the inner game . . . how you can use this less strenuous time to get yourself ready for the big opportunity. You have 86,400 seconds in a day. How will you invest it?

For some of my clients, they see this break in continuous work as an opportunity to “finally” find a type of work for which they are better suited. They will use this downtime productively, doing some soul searching and experimenting with new ideas.

Many Baby Boomers are determined that NOW is the time for them to retreat from the hectic corporate world and, instead, feed their inner soul with something more meaningful and fun than working strictly for larger sums of money. In some cases, they find they can get both!

There is an unusually high number of people starting new businesses. Could this be you?

Here are 3 tips to help you go deeper within yourself and hopefully pique your curiosity to view new opportunities that you haven’t previously considered.

1) Understand your personal values.
What are you core beliefs? Can you identify the behaviors that you embrace and others you’re willing to accept in yourself and others? For instance, where is honesty and trust on that scale? What about fun and camaraderie?

Keep a list handy as you begin to identify those things that help define you. You’ll want to refer to them in the days ahead as you begin to develop your game plan for the excellent career opportunity that is out there waiting for you.

Remember, work doesn’t (or shouldn’t) define you. My core values are the same, no matter where I work. I can work at a fast-food restaurant and still be a kind, fun-loving person who treats others with respect. And I can work there with ease, when I know they extend the same values toward me.

2) Be creative – learn or do something new.
Engage in something that requires creativity. This might look like taking an art class, doing some woodworking, learning how to fly-fish, planting a vegetable garden. It can be anything that brings you joy. The purpose is to get your right-side of the brain to look at ordinary things in new ways. The purpose is to bring some levity and joy into your life, teaching you that you can still learn new things and you can have fun while doing it!

When you are active and become a part of the world again, your psyche begins to heal. This is a period of adjustment and it means things are going to shift for you.

3) Spend some time each day visualizing your next job.
It is so important to have a visual picture in mind of what you want. What does the environment look like: are you outside? Are you working at a desk? What type of clothes are you wearing? Remember, this is the time to think of what you DO WANT, letting go of what you had that you didn’t particularly like.

The visualizations, the pictures, don’t have to be complete at first; simply get a sense of what your inner knowing is telling you. Learn to trust yourself on this. As you continue with the game in your mind, you’ll be amazed at the surprises that will pop up!

Keep a healthy perspective on your life and stay grounded in your values. What’s really important to you right now? Honor that. This shows the world that you are ready and willing to explore new opportunities.

In every garden, it all begins with preparation. Use this gift of freedom to explore new possibilities and to strengthen your underlying foundation so you will enjoy the rich harvest that comes later.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Between Jobs? The Early Days – It’s All About Attitude (Part 2 of 4)

2011-01-09T19:29:00Z

In the introduction of this 4-part series, I outlined the three steps that I encourage my clients to explore during those early days of unemployment, to properly set the stage for your new reality.

In today's post, the subject is about adopting the right attitude.

You’re in the early days of unemployment. You’re angry, scared; and you may feel lost. It’s important to recognize those thoughts and feelings. Once you can identify them, you can work through each one of them.

Allow yourself some downtime to adjust to this new reality. And by all means, if things become too overwhelming, reach out! There are friends, family members and professionals who love and care about you and your well being. There are always healthy, positive choices available to you.

It’s OK in my book to grant yourself a few days of isolation to rant rave, cry, pound the walls. It’s OK to grieve, to mourn that loss. But set yourself a time limit – 10 minutes, a day, a weekend – something definite. And then put that behind you; get beyond it.

Set yourself up for success during this period of “mourning” by adopting an attitude of gratitude.

A simple exercise for anyone to utilize is to start a Gratitude Journal. I keep one by my bedside and each night, no matter what the day has been like, I will make a note of at least 3 things in my life for which I am grateful.

Perhaps you're grateful that I have a roof over my head, air conditioning on a hot, humid day, or gratitude for being able to see the beauty around you, to hear the song birds outside you window. It’s a wonderful, few moments of space that you can choose to create for yourself; and what a great way to drift off to sleep, thinking of those areas of your life that are rich and full.

When you keep yourself in a positive space, your world expands. There are scientific studies that have proven how a positive attitude, humor and joy enhance a person’s health – both physical and mental.

What are some other ways you can acknowledge all the goodness in your life? Remind yourself to stop several times during the day and quietly acknowledge whatever is going on around you.

       • Are you stuck in traffic? Be grateful you have a car to drive or that you are ambulatory and can
         catch a bus.
       • Did you just finish reading a book? Be thankful that you know how to read and that you made
         time for reading it.
       • Perhaps a neighbor is house-bound and could use some assistance with errands or performing
         yard work.
       • Maybe there is a student struggling with math or reading at a nearby school, and your grateful
         Self is able to invest a few hours to help a young person succeed

There are countless needs in your community that would appreciate your contribution. What greater gift is there on this Earth than to connect with another human being and share some meaningful time to help him or her along their journey? The gratitude will overflow from within you.

By focusing on someone else, you will reconnect with your own sense of worth; you will feel productive again

There is much greatness inside you, waiting to emerge. And it can’t emerge while you are confused, angry and hurt. It can only emerge when you are coming from a place of grace, honesty and trust.

In the next article, I’ll talk about this period of “waiting” and what meaning it might hold for you.

“See” you soon!

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Between Jobs? 3 steps to get you through those early days (Part 1 of 4)

2011-01-05T13:26:00Z

My heart goes out to the thousands who are currently finding themselves “between jobs” and are working through the emotional pain this causes.

It is not news to any of us that our nation continues to face high-unemployment numbers. On the bright side, as the economy strengthens, we also hear encouraging news about the thousands each week who are finding new working opportunities.

Losing your job is not necessarily a reflection on your quality of work or your contributions to the company’s greatness. Companies that I’m familiar with do everything possible to keep their employees. They have made an investment in you; layoffs are always a last resort.

When it does happens to you, your reactions probably include shock and worry. You can’t control a company’s action (to lay you off). But you CAN control your reaction to it.

If you now find yourself among the many unemployed, skilled workers today . . . how are you choosing to respond to the situation?

If you allow it, this worry and fear will creep into your life and create a paralysis that will prevent you from moving forward. As an alternative, you can choose to use this time constructively to prepare yourself for the new opportunity that awaits you.

For many people, taking stock of what they have, knowing what their immediate needs are, will allow them to relax a bit and feel like they have a grasp of the situation. It may be necessary to perform triage initially so you can assess your situation. Doing this could bring you some level of comfort in establishing a priority of your “pain points” and in understanding where your boundaries are. Consider things like your personal finances, your healthcare coverage, your family’s emotional concerns and your own personal attitude.

Once you’ve “circled the wagons,” so to speak, there are three steps I encourage my clients to explore while they are in this “period of waiting.” The next three posts will cover the following topics:

1. Allow for initial downtime. You’re angry, scared and may feel lost. It’s OK – to a point. Set yourself up for success during this period of “mourning” by adopting an attitude of gratitude.

2. Accept this as your kairos. This is your period of “creative waiting.” How you invest your time during this waiting period will make all the difference.

3. Create your game board. Looking for a job is really a full-time job. It’s rare that the perfect job would land in your lap without any effort on your part. Map out your strategy and decide on a winning game plan.

“See” you soon!

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Facing Change: Part 3 of 3

2010-10-15T13:47:00Z

In my first article on this topic of change, I used the analogy of a pendulum swinging back and forth as a great force for change. Sometimes the changes are subtle and we welcome them into our lives with nary a worry. Recently, huge shifts have been occurring and these bring major changes to our equilibrium. It can often feel like a pressure cooker about to explode, because there is no steam vent.

Your world may be turned upside down right now. Or you may fear it’s going to change because you’ve seen it happen to someone you know. In my second article , I shared some questions you can ask yourself to help you regain your focus on reality and provide some relief to that pressure valve.

Today, I want to talk about the opportunities that come from a changing environment. We are such creatures of habit that it is easier for us to stay with the status quo than to experience something a bit uncomfortable – even if we know it will make us better, stronger, smarter, or happier.

During a period of great change, you have an opportunity to re-evaluate your activities habits, and beliefs. Which ones become your anchors that will hold you steadfast and see you through the storm? Which ones no longer support you? By letting go, you make room for new possibilities.

Let me share an example.

I was raised to be grateful for whatever I was given. (That’s a good thing!) I was also taught to not be wasteful. (That’s a good thing too!)

You may recognize these sentiments too: “Eat everything you put on your plate . . . think of the starving children in _____ (pick a country.)” Or it could mean wearing clothes until they were threadbare, whether you liked them or not. And if they didn’t fit . . . well you may lose that weight someday, so just store them away until your ‘thin’ days return.

The results of these two common stories many of us carry around are that we eat too much and we become packrats.

What if, instead, you can replace those stories with new ones?

"I will eat slowly and enjoy the food, and eat only what I need to feel full.” You consciously choose to order smaller portions (yes, I sometimes order from the children’s menu!)? Or you get a to-go box and take the rest home for a second meal at a later time.

And what if, instead of holding onto clothes that you’re fairly certain you won’t wear – even when the weight is lost, you make a choice to find places to donate the clothes so that others can still benefit from them?

The results are a thinner you and a less-crammed closet. And you have a set of new stories, new experiences in your mind that reflect a new way of being: “When I make smart choices, I take care of myself and am healthier. When I share my abundance, others benefit along the way.”

I encourage you to always reflect on what’s working, what is not working in your life. It’s the natural order of things, as in the subtle pendulum swing, to clear out the clutter – not only in your closet, but also in your mind . . . in order to make way for the new possibilities that are coming your way.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Facing Change: Part 2 of 3

2010-10-10T21:36:00Z

In my previous article , we were talking about the swinging pendulum of change and how a pressure-cooker environment often results. Anger, fear and tension can cause us to do physical damage. It can also cause mental strain.

Being able to recognize when we are in that pressure-cooker mode is vital. Today’s article will offer up some ideas to try whenever you begin to feel overwhelmed or “stuck” due to a serious change that has occurred (or may occur) in your life.

When you have a tense-filled situation in your life, give yourself permission to carve out some meaningful time and work through your options. Ask yourself these questions:

What is the story that is going on in my head about this situation? (Oh my gosh, I may lose my job. My world is crumbling and how will I provide food for my family, pay my bills, keep the lights on? And so forth.)

Is it based in reality? How much is based on fear and “what if” ? (The reality is I currently have a job. Business is slow.)

Knowing the realty can often end the worrisome thoughts. But if they still linger, follow through with some additional explorations:

What do I know to be true? (I currently have a job. I can be a better worker, put more effort into it, change my attitude and help change the current trend. If I lose my job. I can find another job. I have talents that are in demand. I have choices; I can work a different kind of job – it doesn’t have to be the same thing.)

What do I need to do to ease the fear that lingers in my body? (I can take a course and refresh my skills. I can talk to friends about other opportunities. I can freshen up my resume. I will be ready should my job situation unexpectedly change. I can cut back on my eating out and put that money aside for a safety cushion.)

Developing a plan of action will keep you in motion and attuned to the possibilities that exist. This will often result in your ability to release the worry if it is not based in reality. You can then stay focused on what is real and reduce the pressure-cooker tension that may be building.

It’s important to understand what works for you, what does not . . .and to recognize your signs for a pending pressure-cooker explosion. Know that there is an abundance of help and support for you through your friends and in your community. All you have to do is reach out and ask.

In my next article, we’ll talk about ways to re-evaluate activities, habits and beliefs. Many times, these are old “stories” that we still hold onto – but likely are no longer valid for us. What to do with them? Stay tuned.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Facing Change: Part 1 of 3

2010-10-05T12:34:00Z

Just as a pendulum swings, so goes our life. And in a larger scale, so goes the world. When things reach an excess at one end of the spectrum, universal forces will send everything back in the opposite direction. The overall goal is to remain somewhere in the middle – in balance, or equilibrium.

We’ve seen this pendulum swinging in a myriad of ways these past few years. Certainly, the recent economic crisis comes to mind: money was easily available . . . then it dried up; now we’re slowing coming back toward center.

Another example is the growing discontent among the general population of the United States for government excess. The result was a massive change in our government accomplished through recent elections. The pendulum shows signs of returning from one extreme back toward center.

Like a pressure cooker, tension builds in our everyday life. If there is no safety valve, (or steam vent), then disaster will surely result. With our ever-changing world, is it any wonder there is so much tension around us?

It is likely that you or someone close to you has been affected by a loss of employment, loss of income due to the BP Oil Spill, loss of shelter. These are surely incidents that cause the personal pendulum to swing in the opposite direction.

How do you cope with the pressures of change? Can you identify the steps you take to work through an incongruent situation?

Sometimes, we can work through it alone. Other times, we can benefit from the wisdom and support of others. It’s okay to reach out to others.

Remember, the pendulum swings – that’s a constant motion that brings about change. Change brings tension in forms of chaos until the normalcy is attained once again. We can all flow with change without living in a pressure-cooker environment.

In my next article, I’ll share a set of questions that I often use with my clients to help them face impending change.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Riding the Rough Seas Together – Part 3 of 3

2010-07-11T02:24:00Z

In the first 2 segments, the focus was on staying positive and calling upon your resources to help you chart a new course. Today, let’s go inward and examine a characteristic that often disappears when the seas get rough. Once lost, the price we pay is steep.

Have you noticed how people react during a crisis?

This BP disaster has been an interesting study in human nature. We have the constant shark-like, feeding frenzy of negative news, “know-it-all” speculation and fear mongering from the media. And this helps to accelerate the panic, the anger and the desire to lash back.

How do you act in a long-term crisis such as this? Are you “doom and gloom?” Do you choose to go down below deck and ignore it – and wait for it to pass, thinking it won’t affect you? Or do you take in the information that seems reasonable so you can act upon it, and then toss the rest overboard?

THREE: Hold onto your core values

If you’re in a coastal community affected by the BP Oil Spill, you recognize the anger, the frustration, the worry and the fear that has settled on the shoulders of many. The relief fund has been established and the logistics are being ironed out. People will be able to make claims for legitimate losses.

I’m rarely surprised anymore about how low some people will stoop to take advantage of a bad situation. Likewise, my faith in humanity is always renewed each time I see a compassionate act and a person standing tall with integrity intact.

It’s how we conduct ourselves through the tough times that will identify who we truly are. We can lose our money, our homes, our “things.” But in an ever-changing world, it is our core values that remain constant. By staying true to our personal integrity, we honor ourselves as well as those around us, and we are the richer for it.

In this 3-part series, I’ve used the BP Oil Disaster as a metaphor to allow you to explore how you would react if and when a disaster strikes in your life. Remember to stay positive and think creatively, call upon your resources – there are ALWAYS resources. And lastly, allow your core values and behavior to stand as a beacon in the stormy sea of life for others to follow.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Riding the Rough Seas Together – Part 2 of 3

2010-06-29T03:49:00Z

This three-part series is about how we, as humans, handle tragedy and challenges that are bigger than we can manage. I have used the recent BP Oil Spill as an example, and how it’s churning up so many more lives than initially anticipated due to its rippling effect. In the first part of this series on how we can survive anything, I talked about keeping a positive, energetic attitude .

Today, let’s talk about reassessing the situation and adjusting our plan so we can still keep sight of our goal.

When an ill wind blows across the ocean, it can affect the sailor’s desired course. The key words here are “desired course.” As you come to understand the wind, and knowing where you want to go, you adjust your sails so that the wind is supporting your forward movement.

Back on land, when circumstances blow us off course, we use the same tactics.

SECOND: Take Stock and Be Pro-Active

One powerful tool you have is your incredible support network. When you feel buried in bad news, it’s often difficult to even think clearly enough to know what your options might be. Huddling with others who you know and trust, you’ll be amazed at the creative ideas and support “net” that will form around you. You don’t have to sail alone.

When sailing on the ocean, one can’t control the weather or other maladies that may try to weigh us down. The best we can do is study the situation, become expert in the skills needed, and then adjust the sails to move us toward the direction we wish to go.

What are you doing about the rough seas in your life – at this moment?

It is important to pay attention to your surroundings. If you simply ignore what’s going on around you, the result will usually not be your desired outcome. Anyone venturing out into nature (hunting, fishing, hiking, touring) will attest to this.

Sometimes we can avert disasters simply by heeding the warnings. If you know a hurricane is coming your way, you are smart enough to stay at home. If you are aware that a thunderstorm is imminent, you choose to stay off the golf course.

Sometimes, however, circumstances occur without warning. By keeping a cool head and calm attitude, you can think clearly and make smart choices to reach the safe haven until the storm passes.

Know where your support lies. There are people in your circle of influence that are ready to lend a comforting ear, a helping hand, a shoulder to lean upon. It’s just as important to know that you can stand on your own

Stay in command of your boat; take action.

Make a list right now of all the people in your life who are your best supporters. Who can cheer you up when you’re down? Who can offer an ear and allow you to think out loud without too much interjection? Who might have some additional contacts that can provide additional options for you?

Keep this list handy and resolve to use it! Commit to yourself that you will do SOMETHING today, this week to bring your net around you and begin the creative process of shifting your sails to a more favorable wind.

And remember to be a good friend to someone else, too. What you receive from one, you can also return with gratitude.

Safe Sailing!

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Riding the Rough Seas Together – Part 1 of 3

2010-06-15T15:41:00Z

Living along the Gulf Coast of Florida, I am so saddened by the long-term devastation that is expected due to the oil spill. The news is consumed with it, which means everyone living in and around the coast is also immersed in the drama.

Everything in our life is symbiotic and interrelated. The wildlife, the ecosystem, the economy, our health . . . Jobs are affected, which means personal lives are going to change - again. It’s a domino effect that continues to come in waves.

I’m convinced that the 24-hour news blabber is doing more to paralyze us than the actual event itself. All the talking heads that can’t seem to come up for air, and we’re drowning in the rhetoric.

Is it bad? Sure. Will it get worse? Most certainly.

And I know we’ll survive it.

What I know about human nature and the resiliency of the people who share my community is that we will get through this and we will triumph. Our population is mostly made up of military (and military retired) families. Many of them have seen the horrors of war (multiple times). Their survival training skills will benefit all of us as we move through this newest challenge together.

We live on one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, the impact of the oil spill on our tourism industry is devastating. What I know about those who work in tourism, however, is that they are the consummate optimists and they love to share our piece of heaven with the world. They have a purpose. They know people come here to relax, to have a good time. The thousands of people working in this industry have survived through numerous hurricanes and other events that have challenged their survival. They, too, are experienced “warriors” – and they will overcome.

As we prepare for rough seas ahead, let’s remember to take stock of what we have, know where we are, then plot our new course as the storm subsides. And during the roughest part of the storm, have the courage to batten down the hatches and ride it out with our best supporters.

The steps a community may take during a downturn like this are the same steps you can often take in your personal life when a crisis hits.

Here is the first of three things you can do NOW to keep your ship on course and head for calmer waters.

FIRST: Keep a positive, energetic attitude

The most crucial element of your ability to come through a tragedy – any tragedy – is to remember that you can survive this current setback. Think of ways in which you will keep focused on the positive path, keep your eyes on the big picture and the personal goals you’ve set for yourself.

It’s easy to get off track when panic sets in and everyone and everything around you is projecting negativity. Only YOU can control how you will allow that to affect you.

Remember, you have something important to do in this lifetime; invest your time and effort in those areas that will propel you forward toward that big vision. Allow your greatness to emerge.

Staying positive and always looking forward will keep you thinking at a higher level of possibility. That’s when the waves of creativity will begin to flow!

Stay tuned for the second step you can take NOW to keep your eye on the horizon.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Feeling Stuck? 4 Steps to Get You Going

2010-03-25T17:26:00Z

If you feel you are "stuck" in some area of your life, here are 4 things you can do to begin the journey down a new, rewarding path:

1) Keep a "possibilities" journal. Jot down your thoughts, your dreams of what your life would be like once you become "unstuck." Some clients will cut out pictures from magazines and include them in the journal. Begin to envision your new life.

2) Start a list of what you need to know in order to make a confident decision. If you want to buy that first home, perhaps you need to know about mortgages and what you can afford to pay in monthy payments. You might need to know information about schools and neighborhood home prices.

3) Make a commitment to yourself to get the answers to your questions. Seek knowledge from those around you who have already been down that path. What did they learn? Do they know someone who could help you find the answers? My experience has been that successful people love to help others. They generally are willing to share their information - they simply need to know what you're seeking!

4) Now that you have answers to your questions, you simply have to put your checklist into action. What needs to happen first? If your goal is to buy a home, does your credit need to be tightened up a bit before you apply for that mortgage? If you are faced with changing jobs, which skills do you need to hone before applying?

When you are informed, you are empowered. You'll find it much easier to take the "risk" and just Do It!

Be bold and live your dream. You deserve all that life has to offer.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Small Change Leads to Big Reward

2010-02-15T16:36:00Z

It’s been several weeks now since the tragic earthquake hit Haiti. We’ve read many heart-warming stories about the generosity being demonstrated by thousands of unknowns who want to help.

I recently read an article about a group of elementary students who were able to collect $1100 among themselves, their friends and families - within a couple of days. And then they decided where to send the money. It’s always enchanting to hear how creative the kids get. And they become so committed and so excited about their projects.

And you know what? They are actually DOING something! They are taking positive action. They don’t spend weeks or months analyzing and worrying if it’s the right decision.

Of course, it’s THE RIGHT DECISION! It’s the one they made, isn’t it? And there is no looking back, just focus on the goal at hand.

And the neat thing is, they’re starting on round two - they’re continuing the collection.

How are you living your life these days? Are you focusing on a goal, something that speaks to your heart? Are you making it happen? Are you creatively designing the outcome so that your simple action of gathering "small change" turns into a worthwhile reward for you?

Or are you tamping down your enthusiasm and telling yourself you’re too busy right now to think of any good answers? And so you stay stuck on your current path, getting the same results as before?

Try being a carefree child again - just for awhile - and allow your mind to fill up with playful ideas that could resolve whatever challenge is in front of you.

When you’ve come up with at least 5 ideas in response to your "question," then pick one. AND GO. Getting into action is the key to success. If you’ve been paralyzed by fear or indecision in the past, then give yourself permission to be free of that now - and move forward.

If you’re not sure how to make your new vision come true in your life, then contact me for a F REE coaching session. The possibilities are endless.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Face Your Challenges - and Grow!

2010-02-06T05:15:00Z

When was the last time you challenged yourself?

Obviously, there are different levels of challenges - and each of us is on a different ride at the park (so to speak) when it comes to comfort zone and risk tolerance. So careful thought and planning may be in order if your challenge is a really big one. But be mindful that you don't get stuck on the procrastination roller coaster. Know when it's time to get off the ride and just go for it.

Is it scary to try something new? Sometimes.

Is it risky? On some level, always.

The more difficult the challenge, the more risk that is involved. And you know what? You don't have to do it alone. There is always someone out there willing to help you. Always. You simply have to seek them out.

And I'll let you in on a big secret. The more difficult the challenge, the sweeter the reward. Achieving something you've always wondered about, always dreamed about, builds your self-confidence and raises your happiness meter!

Another result I've observed time after time is that I'm rarely, if ever, disappointed with the outcome. There are always lessons to be learned, additional wisdom to be gained. I've always grown (often in wonderfully unexpected ways!) to become a better, stronger person.

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Do you have a BHAG?

2010-01-10T19:35:00Z

Before you can envision success, you have to know what success means to you.

Is that having a million dollars in the bank? Is it having a job that pays more than $35,000? Is it getting your Master’s Degree? Is it having a solid family relationship filled with love and support? Maybe it’s a combination of all of those things.

The key thing is this: Know how you define success for your life. It’s different for each of us. And often, it’s a complex web of various elements. When you are able to envision the life that you want to create for yourself, you are taking the first step toward achieving it.

Remember the concept of the Big, Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) that Jim Collins and Jerry Porras introduced to us in the late ‘90’s? Their trend-setting article, Building Your Company’s Vision, compelled us to think, stretch and grow toward the passionate dreams we hold for ourselves (and our companies).

A BHAG (pronounced BEE-HAG) is that 10- 20- or 30- year goal that defines you (your company) in such a way that you stand apart from everyone else. On a grand scale, it could be a company lilke Microsoft, Starbucks or Wal-Mart. On a personal level, it might be someone who was determined to become an astronaut, the President of the United States, or someone who wanted to perform in the Olympics.

Having a solid BHAG means knowing what you are passionate about and knowing what you do better than anyone else. And thirdly, you know the idea has economic soundness.

Here’s a little snippet of Jim Collins' work with Starbuck’s as they designed their BHAG.

What are you passionate about? What can you be the best in the world at? What will drive you economically? Decide that – and you have your BHAG.

I’d love to hear from you. Be Bold. Share your BHAG with the rest of the world!!!

Have a Golden Day!

Coach Darlene

A Look Behind . . . a Look Ahead

2010-01-05T19:20:00Z

2010.

A new decade has begun. Can you believe it?

When I think back to the beginning of this millennium, a mere 10 years ago . . . it is amazing to recall all that has occurred in my life. How about you? What are YOUR highlights from these last 10 years? Is it what you had planned?

I imagine very few people will be able to say, with firmness and honesty, that the entire block of time turned out just as they planned it. More than likely, most people wouldn’t be able to tell you what they had planned for the first 10 years in 2000. And so, they likely can't tell you what mattered most either - or how it fits in their bigger picture.

There is a good side and a bad side to "Planning." Everything in moderation, right?

You can stay so busy making lists and getting so wrapped up in details of your plans that you aren’t even present in the NOW, to enjoy what’s going on around you. Too much planning keeps the stress level high and the feeling of a constant nagging going off in the back of your head, “Next. . . ok, Next. That’s right. Next. Oops you missed one. Next . . .” It’s exhausting. And it is often a setup for failure.

Yet, without any planning at all, there is a human tendency to just let life pass you by. How many times do you hear someone lament, “One of these days, we’re going to take a cruise,” or “Someday, I’m going to go back to school.”

Before you know it, another 10 years will swoosh by us. We’ll be 10 years older (and for some, 10 years slower!). What do you want this next decade to deliver to you? How are you positioning yourself so that you can receive all that it has to offer?

Get started! Time’s a wastin’

Take that first step – envision your life as you want it to be in 10 years. And then plan on how to get there. You can do it. I know you can. Bring some meaning into your life. You'll be the richer for it.

Toasting to you and the new Decade that awaits us both!
Coach Darlene

Stress by the Numbers (and why I carry kids' bubbles in my car!)

2009-02-25T18:34:00Z

In my guestimation, when it comes to stress, I’m my own worst enemy.

I say that because most of my stress is self-induced. When events turn into stressful situations, it is usually a result of one or two things:

** I didn’t do something I was supposed to do on a timely basis (for example, I may have forgotten to pay the light bill!) or
** I'm taking on too much and I haven’t learned the art of saying “No.” (That’s a topic for another day!)

Nonetheless, stress shows up. And this is probably true for you too.

Without realizing it, my mind-body genius has, over the years, devised a system for evaluating my challenges, and it has helped me learn how to respond to them.

The cool thing is that I truly can decide how I want to respond and how much I want to allow it to affect me and my body. In effect, I give my body permission to take on a stress - or to discard it.

I won’t deny that it’s a steady challenge to stay mindful and to make conscious choices. But each time, I use the 4 Steps mentioned previously to bring myself to the Present and to acknowledge the situation. By doing this, I am filled with a sense of calm and of being in control of my life and the situation.

So here’s how I tend to place my stress items into different categories and what I do with them. You probably do something similar, but perhaps haven’t taken the time to analyze it!

1 – Really critical – affects your life in a major way.
This would be things like going through a divorce, losing a job. These are typically long-lasting, stressful situations. It is crucial to stay calm and to put your “healthy-best” focus on them. Take it step-by-step and work through it as you know you can!

Yes these are urgent and critical and affect you big time. The end-result is usually complex and requires a lengthy period to resolve. You want to use the 4 steps I mentioned earlier and work through these. So stay clear headed – do things to help you stay healthy: meditate, exercise, or get a massage.

2 – Important, but not life altering.
These are usually time-sensitive, deadline-oriented, or urgent. A child gets sick at school and needs to be picked up, you’re overbooked and have too many things on your schedule (who did that anyway? You?) These obviously need some attention. What’s interesting is that by being a better planner, you can create contingency plans (who else can pick up your child on occasion? Can someone else attend a meeting for you?). And of course, if the culprit is YOU – you’re the one who takes on the world by yourself, then STOP it! Have a frank chat with yourself and start a new way of discerning priorities, delegating and keeping focused on the really key things that you’ve identified as important in your life.

Yes, these are important. And most of them are self-induced. So:

• become a better organizer – plan your time more effectively
• learn how to say NO with diplomacy – and firmness
• evaluate what’s important – really important - and either drop or delegate the rest (I know, easy to say, hard to do – but you can improve on it!)
• invest in some self-improvement classes to help you move ahead on these types of stressful occurrences

3 – Worthy of your attention, but not urgent.
This would be something like: your yard needs mowed, but the lawnmower is broken, your child forgot his lunch, you need to schedule that appointment with your dentist. Believe it or not, keeping a lot of “to-do’s” on your list also adds to your stress levels. Make a commitment to get things done. If the lawnmower needs to be fixed, what’s the first step? Finding a repair shop? Then commit to making 4-5 phone calls TODAY and move forward. What’s keeping you from calling the dentist? Do you have to look up the number? Do you even have a dentist? If not, commit to asking some co-workers for recommendations. Do it TODAY and move forward. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to get things done – just by taking the first step, no matter how easy or small it is.

Surprisingly (or maybe not!), these items, when ignored, often become 1’s or 2’s. So yes, work on these – but keep everything in perspective. Make a commitment to yourself to focus on taking first steps and staying in action. Get something completed on this list every week! (And try not to add any more to it!)

4 – Annoyances; things that just happen and get in my way.
The crazy driver cuts in front of you, or you are on a time schedule and the person in front of you at the bank is chatting away, oblivious of everyone else’s needs. Perhaps you run to the store for a last-minute item for dinner and discover the item is temporarily out of stock!

These are the types of things that happen dozens of times every day.

OK – you can’t really do anything about most of these – but you can control how you react to them! I carry a bottle of kid’s bubbles in the car. When I’m stuck in traffic and everyone is really stressed, I get out my bottle and lower my window –then just blow bubbles everywhere. I have such fun with it – and I’m laughing (a great stress buster, by the way!) And you’d be surprised at how many people I see laughing with me, or honking their horns in agreement. It’s a great feeling.

So how can you have fun with your stress? And what can you do to be preventive? Would planning your meals in advance help on your grocery runs and last-minute, frantic, “What’s for dinner, Mom?” demands from your kids?

You are in control of your life; no one else. Only you can make it work the way you want it to! Learn how to minimize the stress-causing events and you’ll surely have fewer challenges to “fix.” Then you can invest that time enjoying the life you’ve created for yourself!

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

4 Steps for Managing Daily Stress

2009-02-20T18:18:00Z

STRESS. It’s rampant – everywhere we turn. And these days, most of us are experiencing an escalation of this culprit in our everyday lives.

Stress has long-lasting effects on your personal health – probably not news to you. And it’s easy to dismiss it because, often, there are no immediate, visible signs. It slowly creeps into your life and zaps you. Maybe you have more frequent headaches, or you find yourself forgetting things. At some levels, stress can cause nausea, dizziness and pain. It can eventually hit you with a heart attack, a stroke, or one of many other injuries to your body.

Caveat here – I’m not a licensed medical professional. So always seek the advice of a physician or other medical professional if your symptoms are severe and you feel your health is in danger.

There are mountains of articles and books written on this topic. My intent is to help you become aware of how stress shows up in your life – and how you deal with it. Today, I just want to give you some easy tips on how to reduce the immediate strain and how to introduce new, healthy habits and thought patterns into your life.

OK, so you’re stressed – who isn’t?

Stress affects each person in a myriad of ways. And the sad thing is, most of this we bring on ourselves. That’s right – we are the cause! So the good news is, if we allow ourselves to be stressed, we can also undo that – and find a way to minimize or alleviate it.

The key is to be honest with yourself and accept what’s happening. Next, you can figure out what to do about it.

One of the best ways to calm down during a hectic situation is to take a moment to feel and to acknowledge whatever is going on – no matter what it is. If you’re angry; acknowledge it. If your breathing becomes more shallow, recognize that. When fear creeps in, accept that, too.

Once you know what is going on, then it no longer holds its power over you. That is when you can begin to move past it.

The techniques I’m about to share with you will help you in any situation – when applied with common sense. Obviously, if you’re in a life-threatening situation (someone is trying to harm you), then other methods are necessary to protect yourself.

What I’m talking about today pertains to ordinary, everyday crises that arise in your life. Things like: your child forgets his lunch, there’s a wreck and you’re going to be late for work, you just found out your bank account is overdrawn . . . typical things that probably occurred because someone was already stressed and not paying attention . . . and now the result of that inattention brings on even more stress. It’s a never ending cycle – unless you do something to break the pattern.

Here are 4 simple steps you can take to bring some calm and clarity to any situation:

FIRST – and very important: STOP!
Just stop with whatever you’re doing, whatever you’re about to blurt out. If you’re inclined to do something physical – like punch your fist through a wall. Just STOP!

SECOND – take a deep breath.
Maybe more than one deep breath. By stepping away from an event or situation and bringing the focus back into your body, the urgency, the intensity of the situation is lessened – even if momentarily. Taking a pause allows your lightning-speed mind to break out of an automated response and begin to refocus. This is where you begin to pay attention to how the stress shows up in your body. Do your shoulders get tight? Is your stomach roiling? Are your hands clenched? Recognize the physical signs. They serve as clues. Eventually, you’ll learn to recognize that stress is creeping in – before it can take over!

THIRD – evaluate the situation.
Okay, so your child forgot his lunch. What’s the worst that can happen? Will he go without lunch today? Is that life threatening? I doubt it. So put it into perspective and then it makes it easier to think through the options.

What if your bank account is overdrawn? Will you get hit with some fees? Probably. (If not, let me know which bank you use – I might want to switch! :> Can you reverse the situation? No. So accept what IS – you’re going to get hit with a fee. And then figure out your options. Maybe it was a mistake and you can clear it up with the bank. How can you prevent the mistake from happening again? If there is more than one person depositing and withdrawing on this account, what happened? Put a plan into place to evaluate the problem and to devise a solution.

Ignoring the pattern that got you there only invites the situation to occur again. Be pro-active and learn whatever lesson comes from this so that you can eliminate it from your growing list of stresses that show up!

FOURTH – Decide and take action.
Once you have your options in front of you – don’t stop there! Leaving things undone causes things to just pile up and creates more stress. So you’ve figured out which option makes sense – just Do It ! If you have to schedule a family meeting and go over a new budget, decide when and where the meeting will be: after dinner on Thursday night. If you need to go talk to the bank about an account issue, get on the phone right now and make the appointment. If your child forgot his lunch (the fourth time this week!) then get to the root cause. Is the lunch bag hidden behind other things as the child leaves for the bus? Is the lunch unappetizing and he is subconsciously trying to figure out how to tell you?

By staying calm, focusing on the real issue and deciding what you can do it about, you’ll find yourself moving through daily challenges without a whimper.

In my next entry, I’ll share with you how I categorize my different stress “challenges.”

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene

Ask "Why" Five Times

2009-01-06T04:27:00Z

As a general rule, do you question things? More precisely, do you ask many questions of yourself? It could be an effective technique as you continue on your path of personal growth. It could also be an effective tool for improving your business.

Taiichi Ohno, considered to be the father of Toyota’s Production System, encouraged everyone in the company to always ask WHY about everything they did – especially when problems showed up. He believed that “having no problems is the biggest problem of all.” His famous statement was, “Ask ‘Why’ five times,” to get at the root cause of the problem.

I can’t honestly say that this way of thinking has its roots in the Toyota Corporation, but it is definitely a part of their vision and corporate culture. To see how this works, check out the example provided on the Toyota site.

The power in this is that by constantly asking questions (‘why’ or otherwise), you thwart complacency. By employing a Japanese philosophy called kaizen, you can focus on continuous improvement. (Translation: “kai” means school, and “zen” means wisdom.) This kaizen approach is opposite the Western philosophy of “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

In the Japanese corporate culture, kaizen is embodied by including every single employee to constantly look for ways to improve their work situation. It is said that in companies like Toyota and Canon, for example, over 60 suggestions per employee are implemented each year (that's right . . . per employee!)

These aren’t necessarily huge changes. The principle behind kaizen is to make slow, subtle changes – to be in a constant state of improvement. The results of such an approach include an improvement in productivity and safety, and a reduction in errors or waste. The net effect is stronger employee relations and higher profits.

So . . . that brings a question to mind: I wonder what our Western work environment would be like if we were to adapt this philosophy - even slightly? How might the employee morale change? How might our profitability increase by “asking ‘why’ five times?”

Which frame of mind are you in? Are you resigned to remain in the current state in which you find yourself? Or do you constantly look for subtle ways to change, to improve, to make things better in your life and in your business?

If you are ready to experience new results in your life in 2009, then you must be willing to change something in your current circumstances. Asking yourself “Why” five times may just lead you to clarity. For example:

Why do I feel stuck in this present situation?
Because I don’t have another job to go to.

Why don’t I have a good job?
Because I can’t find anything else.

Why can’t I find anything else?
Because I haven’t looked.

Why haven’t I looked?
Because I don’t really know what I want to do.

Why don’t I know what I want?
Because I haven't made the time to explore what I want.

A-HA!

Or how about this possibility?

Why did our customer service ratings drop?
Because we quit doing the things we knew to be effective

Why did we quit doing those things?
Because we lost our focus.

Why did we lose our focus?
Because we allowed all the negative news to influence our behavior.

Why did we allow this to influence our behavior?
Because we had no leadership to keep us focused.

Why wasn’t the leadership there?
Because I, as the leader, allowed fear to paralyze me.

A-HA! Now you’re getting somewhere!

Getting to the root of things allows you to move forward!

Have a Golden Day! (And keep those questions coming!)
Darlene Dean
Coach For Results
Darlene Dean is a Certified Life and Business Coach. Through coaching, her clients experience clearer focus, less stress, and get the results they want.

What Thoughts Occupy Your Mind?

2008-12-06T02:32:00Z

What do you think about all day?

Quickly rewind your life to yesterday or the day before. What thoughts were swimming through your head? If you could provide one word to describe the overall theme of your thoughts, what word would you use? Might it be fear? Angst? Or was it peaceful, confident, restful?

When you come from a place of anger, scarcity or despair, then the choices you begin to make help fulfill that sentiment. Could you choose instead to think, believe, and do something that would take you closer to the direction you want to go - rather than to perpetuate the current situation that you don't want?

The thoughts (and feelings) that you carry with you will eventually form the words that you use. Believing you CAN’T do something leads you to begin saying things like, “It’s too hard,” or “I’ll never lose this weight,” or “I am always in debt.”

Ultimately, those words will translate into your actions – or inactions. If you think you can’t do something and keep telling yourself you can’t do it, then sure enough, you find subtle ways to keep proving it over and over again. Eventually, you just quit trying. Thus, your actions determine your results.

The good news is that the GOOD thoughts (and feelings) that you carry with you will also eventually form the words that you use – which will also lead to positive actions and positive results.

By approaching a task with thoughts like, “This is easy,” or “I can have fun with this,” you initiate a different chain reaction in the brain, which ultimately produces different results.

The bonus is that once you get the results you want, the cycle starts fresh - but with the new results as the basis for those new thoughts. That's how successful people continue to bring about more success.

What might your life be like if you started with a simple change in the way you think about something?

It all begins with your thoughts.

Only YOU have the power to choose your thoughts. Which path will you take?

Have a Golden Day!
Coach Darlene - Your Coach for Results